Old Pain🔹New Demons

Yes, empaths do exist, yet you often have so many doubts about yourselves. Learn more about these doubts and what you can do through three detectors to not only ascertain what you are, what that means and moreover how you can use this knowledge to beat the narcissist.

   
     
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I'm sorry for the title of this page. But you know it's true. Your narcissist doesn't like you. In fact, he hates you. However, it's not your fault. Nope. I'm sure they've convinced you it's your fault. But don't worry, it's not. There was nothing you could do to stop them from hating you. And the reason is simple. You're trying to destroy them. Yeah, I know. You're really not. You're trying to help them.

You're so nice to them. You've changed your life and taken the bruises so they can be happy. You've sacrificed yourself for their comfort. And they still hate you. Heck, they hate you even more. You're just trying to look good like you're helping them. Because they know you're trying to hurt them. And get them in some way. Since everything you do does hurt them. That's why you're the problem.

Because you challenge their belief that they're perfect. Your existence is an attack on theirs. And it enrages them. They simply must control you and have you submit to them. They even think they're noble for trying to destroy you. I know that doesn't make much sense. None of it makes sense.

Until you understand your narcissist must have you around praising them for them to feel good. And you can only praise them. To disagree with them. To differ with them. To not believe every word from their mouth. Is an attack on their character. And you're threatening their life.

That's why they're so serious. They're dependent on your support. And resent you for it because it's what they need more than anything. Don't try too hard to understand them. Try to feel the emotions when you're in a room with them. Then you'll get it. Their emotions are everything.

         Broken 🦋 Wing  
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Cast your eyes to the broken-hearted To behold something beautifully destroyed. A broken butterfly wing on the ground Trampled and forgotten by all Except for you. Who mourns the loss of her innocence. Death holds for us an appreciation for life. Brokenness holds for us a new beginning. Even shattered glass fallen to the ground Can catch the rays of the sun And turn them into a show of beautiful light. So, mourn the broken butterfly wing And remember it's beauty- Even in this raw time of brokenness.

-CL-

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Everyone says that "it wasn't real" but I know deep down inside that whatever it was that I went thru for the last almost 3 yrs with the man that I thought I was destined to be with, IT WAS *R*E*A*L* TO ME😒

So I'm trying a new "Letting Go" approach I have decided that instead of this whole No contact BS with the monster/ Narcissist who supposedly was my 1st love, 1st kiss and I him 30 yrs ago. The one who left me with no fucks given. Abandoned me like I was nothing but garbage and made me think that I deserved it.

This pathetic excuse for a human being /Narcissist left me stricken a little over a year ago. And Thru all of the chaos and mayhem that I barely managed to overcome has given me the opportunity to become the woman I am today. *P*R*O*U*D* and now *W*O*K*E to what's really happening to me and helping me *D*I*S*C*O*V*E*R who I AM and what my *P*U*R*P*O*S*E* is in this life. 

I wrote a Goodbye letter to myself (Who I used to be) and the one who stole my heart when I was just 12 yrs old ONLY to destroy it 30 years later:

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You knew something wasn't right yet you ignored it. Not because you thought "things will get better" or he'll eventually realize" No. You stayed with him because you knew that there was a deeper meaning to it all. You pushed thru and gave it all there was to give, till there was nothing left but an empty shell of what you once were, and eventually the realization of why it was all necessary.

All the tears and heartbreak, sleepless nights from horrific night mares.  You isolated yourself from your family, children, the world. Didn't even answer your phone anymore. Or check the mail. The journey that I went on and am currently still on of Self discovery and spiritual enlightenment. Has been for a very specific reason.

To face my demons, forgive the past and learn how to let go. So with all of that said I would like to congratulate my mind for persevering and searching for answers. And for ultimately serving my heart’s desire for freedom and love.

I’ve woven together the once splintered parts of my self and triumphed over People's petty judgments and self-righteous dictations about me. With haughty conviction, he tried to undermine my voice, my lovability, my happiness and self-esteem. He took advantage of my soul.  I LIVED. After you, my life began an upward ascent to clarity. I now breathe fully with all of my lungs–not just the top one-third. Upon reclamation of my voice, I determine what I am willing to give and not give. I no longer give you my indecisiveness, my uncertainty, power over my opinion, overriding superiority, upset of my feelings, a demand to be honored, nor, control over time.

I no longer extend to you a desire to be loved or nourished. I no longer yearn for empathy or co-creativity or a real conversation, a heart-to-heart. I remove the narcissistic supply you fed upon when all I was doing was loving you with all of my heart without expecting anything in return. Just Respect, HONESTY, LOYALTY...apparently that wasnt possible for you to accomplish in your life.

And with that said, I no longer give you my hyper-vigilant state, a distraught central nervous system and overworked adrenals. I no longer allow you to disrespect me, emotionally abuse me nor deny your words and make me wrong. I no longer give you narcissistic satisfaction by holding the residue of depression. Or Hate. Anxiety. I no longer give compliance and silence as cover-up of your dysfunction.

I WILL NOT EVER give you the opportunity to yet again stab my HEART. I now give on my terms. I now think clearly. I am discerning. My left and right brain are harmonious. I have focus, inner knowing, truth in voice.I am assertive in my words and my actions. I give myself permission to see the beauty in others. The days of cringing at your barrage of judgment upon others, to bolster feigned superiority, are gone. I have mulched your dysfunction and used it as compost to bloom beauty and life.

And to help others who have suffered the same fate. I give authenticity and sincerity. I give humility toward Spirit. I give my heart honor for carrying me through confusion and lighting the path home. I congratulate my mind for persevering and searching for answers. And for ultimately serving my heart’s desire for freedom. I give myself permission for disapproval. I celebrate all who move from darkness to light. I forgive my transgressors for the wrongs they did to me. And by praying for our enemies we guard our own heart so that we don't become like them.

Matthew 6:14-15 NIV

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

In conclusion, I no longer give disdain at your stoic inability to really see me. I needed to lose You to LOVE ME. I cherish my heart, the carrier of light. To that end, my narcissist, I release you from my heart, mind and detach you from my soul. I banish you away into the *N*O*T*H*I*N*G* where you belong.

With triumph of spirit, I am the One Who Defeated you at your own game. The Butterfly with the Broken wing that persevered thru it all and came out soaring as if to say 

"Not Today Satan!"🦋 C.L.